Dark humor jokes

Dark humor jokes DEFAULT

75 Dark Jokes for Those Who Need a Twisted Laugh

Did that joke make you grimace or recoil in horror? Or did you laugh out loud even though you know you probably shouldn't have? If so, then it was probably a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"—and it's not for everyone, obviously. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person.

It's true, and it's been proven by science. A 2017 study by Austrian neurologists published in Cognitive Processing found that people who appreciate dark jokes, which they define as "humor that treats sinister subjects like death, disease, deformity, handicap, or warfare with bitter amusement," may actually have higher IQs than those who don't. What's more, they're less negative and aggressive than people who strictly prefer G-rated family-friendly jokes. Why? Because if you can see the humor in even the bleakest parts of life, and you can laugh at truly dark jokes, you're less likely to take the world too seriously.

Want to find out if you're also a happy-go-lucky genius? Take a look at these 75 hilarious dark jokes, and if you catch yourself guffawing despite the gruesome subject matter, you may just be the kindest, most intelligent person you know.

Funny Dark Jokes

Funny Dark Jokes

  1. My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
  2. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
  3. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
  4. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
  5. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
  6. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
  7. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
  8. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
  9. "What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
  10. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
  11. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
  12. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  13. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
  14. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
  15. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
  16. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
  17. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
  18. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
  19. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
  20. Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
  21. I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he died. "Are you still holding the ladder?"
  22. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  23. What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
  24. "I work with animals," the guy says to his date.  "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says.
  25. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.
  26. Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
  27. "Just say NO to drugs!" Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
  28. I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
  29. It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive.
  30. What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
  31. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
  32. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.
  33. I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
  34. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
  35. I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.

Really Dark Jokes

Really Dark Jokes

  1. My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."
  2. I heard Sony's coming out with a new console during the pandemic. It's called the Plaguestation 5.
  3. Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
  4. I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
  5. My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
  6. What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
  7. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have ten left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
  8. I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
  9. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
  10. I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
  11. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!" They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
  12. I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
  13. My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
  14. Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
  15. My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
  16. My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
  17. What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.
  18. What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer.
  19. My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It's a good thing he drives a Civic.
  20. "Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" the patient asked. "To the morgue," the doctor replied. "What?" The patient panicked. "But I'm not dead yet!" "And we're not there yet," the doctor said.
  21. If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you're a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!

The Best Dark Humor Jokes

The Best Dark Humor Jokes
  1. The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
  2. A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
  3. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? "Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
  4. What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
  5. A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
  6. I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It's not easy. You try finding thirty-two old guys.
  7. What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
  8. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
  9. Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
  10. "Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!"
  11. "I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."
  12. I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
  13. My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
  14. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. "Nothing special," he explained. "We just tell them they're going to die."
  15. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."
  16. My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
  17. I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
  18. Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He's all right now!
  19. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
Sours: https://bestlifeonline.com/dark-jokes/

Black comedy

This article is about the style of humor. For the film, see Black Humor (film). For the album, see Dark Comedy (album). For sitcoms with a predominantly black cast, see Black sitcom. For other uses, see Black comedy (disambiguation).

Comic work based on subject matter that is generally considered taboo

Black comedy, also known as black humor, dark humor, dark comedy, morbid humor, edgy humor, or gallows humor, is a style of comedy that makes light of subject matter that is generally considered taboo, particularly subjects that are normally considered serious or painful to discuss. Writers and comedians often use it as a tool for exploring vulgar issues by provoking discomfort, serious thought, and amusement for their audience. Thus, in fiction, for example, the term black comedy can also refer to a genre in which dark humor is a core component. Popular themes of the genre include death, crime, poverty, suicide, war, violence, discrimination, disease, racism, sexism, and human sexuality.

Black comedy differs from both blue comedy—which focuses more on crude topics such as nudity, sex, and bodily fluids—and from straightforward obscenity. Whereas the term black comedy is a relatively broad term covering humor relating to many serious subjects, gallows humor tends to be used more specifically in relation to death, or situations that are reminiscent of dying. Black humor can occasionally be related to the grotesque genre.[1] Literary critics have associated black comedy and black humor with authors as early as the ancient Greeks with Aristophanes.[2][3][4][5][6][7][8]

Etymology[edit]

A cemetery with a "Dead End" sign, creating an amusing play on words

The term black humour (from the French humour noir) was coined by the Surrealist theorist André Breton in 1935 while interpreting the writings of Jonathan Swift.[9][10] Breton's preference was to identify some of Swift's writings as a subgenre of comedy and satire[11][12] in which laughter arises from cynicism and skepticism,[9][13] often relying on topics such as death.[14][15]

Breton coined the term for his 1940 book Anthology of Black Humor (Anthologie de l'humour noir), in which he credited Jonathan Swift as the originator of black humor and gallows humor (particularly in his pieces Directions to Servants (1731), A Modest Proposal (1729), Meditation Upon a Broomstick (1710), and in a few aphorisms).[10][13] In his book, Breton also included excerpts from 45 other writers, including both examples in which the wit arises from a victim with which the audience empathizes, as is more typical in the tradition of gallows humor, and examples in which the comedy is used to mock the victim. In the last cases, the victim's suffering is trivialized, which leads to sympathizing with the victimizer, as analogously found in the social commentary and social criticism of the writings of (for instance) Sade.

History[edit]

Among the first American writers who employed black comedy in their works were Nathanael West[16] and Vladimir Nabokov,[16] although at the time the genre was not widely known in the US. The concept of black humor first came to nationwide attention after the publication of a 1965 mass-market paperback titled Black Humor, edited by Bruce Jay Friedman.[7][17] The paperback was one of the first American anthologies devoted to the concept of black humor as a literary genre.[8] With the paperback, Friedman labeled as "black humorists" a variety of authors, such as J. P. Donleavy,[7][8]Edward Albee,[7][8]Joseph Heller,[7][8]Thomas Pynchon,[7][8]John Barth,[7][8] Vladimir Nabokov,[7][8]Bruce Jay Friedman[7][8] himself, and Louis-Ferdinand Céline.[7][8] Among the recent writers suggested as black humorists by journalists and literary critics are Roald Dahl,[18]Kurt Vonnegut,[11]Warren Zevon, Christopher Durang, Philip Roth,[11] and Veikko Huovinen.[19] The motive for applying the label black humorist to the writers cited above is that they have written novels, poems, stories, plays, and songs in which profound or horrific events were portrayed in a comic manner. Comedians like Lenny Bruce,[12] who since the late 1950s have been labeled for using "sick comedy" by mainstream journalists, have also been labeled with "black comedy".

Nature and functions[edit]

Sigmund Freud, in his 1927 essay Humour (Der Humor), puts forth the following theory of black comedy: "The ego refuses to be distressed by the provocations of reality, to let itself be compelled to suffer. It insists that it cannot be affected by the traumas of the external world; it shows, in fact, that such traumas are no more than occasions for it to gain pleasure." Some other sociologists elaborated this concept further. At the same time, Paul Lewis warns that this "relieving" aspect of gallows jokes depends on the context of the joke: whether the joke is being told by the threatened person themselves or by someone else.[20]

Black comedy has the social effect of strengthening the morale of the oppressed and undermines the morale of the oppressors.[21][22] According to Wylie Sypher, "to be able to laugh at evil and error means we have surmounted them."[23]

Black comedy is a natural human instinct and examples of it can be found in stories from antiquity. Its use was widespread in middle Europe, from where it was imported to the United States.[24][verification needed] It is rendered with the German expression Galgenhumor (cynical last words before getting hanged [25]). The concept of gallows humor is comparable to the French expression rire jaune (lit. yellow laughing),[26][27][28] which also has a Germanic equivalent in the Belgian Dutch expression groen lachen (lit. green laughing).[29][30][31][32]

Italian comedian Daniele Luttazzi discussed gallows humour focusing on the particular type of laughter that it arouses (risata verde or groen lachen), and said that grotesquesatire, as opposed to ironic satire, is the one that most often arouses this kind of laughter.[33][34][35] In the Weimar eraKabaretts, this genre was particularly common, and according to Luttazzi, Karl Valentin and Karl Kraus were the major masters of it.[35]

Black comedy is common in professions and environments where workers routinely have to deal with dark subject matter. This includes police officers,[36]firefighters,[37]ambulance crews,[38]military personnel and funeral directors,[39] where it is an acknowledged coping mechanism. Outsiders can often react negatively to discovering this humor; as a result, there is an understanding within these professions that these jokes should not be shared with the wider public.[37][38]

A 2017 study published in the journal Cognitive Processing[40] concludes that people who appreciate dark humor "may have higher IQs, show lower aggression, and resist negative feelings more effectively than people who turn up their noses at it."[41]

Examples[edit]

An 1825 newspaper used a gallows humor "story" of a criminal whose last wish before being beheaded was to go nine-pin bowling, using his own severed head on his final roll, and taking delight in having achieved a strike.[42]

There are multiple recorded instances of humorous last words and final statements. For example, author and playwright Oscar Wilde was destitute and living in a cheap boarding house when he found himself on his deathbed. There are variations on what his exact words were, but his reputed last words were, "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."[43][44]

Gallows speeches[edit]

Examples of gallows speeches include:

  • The Prefect of Rome executed Saint Lawrence in a great gridiron prepared with hot coals beneath it. He had Lawrence placed on it, hence St Lawrence's association with the gridiron. After the martyr had suffered pain for a long time, the legend concludes, he cheerfully declared: "I'm well done. Turn me over!" From this derives his patronage of cooks, chefs, and comedians.
  • In Edo period Japan, condemned criminals were occasionally executed by expert swordsmen, who used living bodies to test the quality of their blade (Tameshigiri). There is an apocryphal story of one who, after being told he was to be executed by a sword tester, calmly joked that if he had known that was going to happen, he would have swallowed large stones to damage the blade.[45]
  • As Saint Thomas More climbed a rickety scaffold where he would be executed, he said to his executioner: "I pray you, Mr. Lieutenant, see me safe up; and for my coming down, let me shift for myself."[46]
  • Robert-François Damiens, a French man who attempted to assassinate king Louis XV, was sentenced on March 26, 1757 to be executed in a gruesome and painstakingly detailed manner. He would first be led to the gallows, holding a torch with 2 lbs of burning wax. Pliers would then be used to tear his skin at the breast, arms and legs. Then his right arm, which held the knife he had used for his crime, would be burned with sulfur. The aforementioned areas with ripped skin would then be poured upon with molten lead, boiling oil, burning pitch, wax and sulfur. His body would then be dismembered by four horses, the members and trunk consumed in fire, and the ashes would be spread in the wind. After hearing the sentence, Damiens is reported to have replied: “Well, it's going to be a tough day.”[47]
  • During the French Revolution, Georges-Jacques Danton, who had facial scars from smallpox, when he was about to be beheaded with a guillotine on April 5, 1794, is reported to have said to the executioner: “Don't forget to show my head to the people, it's well worth it!”[48]
  • Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded in the Old Palace Yard at the Palace of Westminster on 29 October 1618. "Let us dispatch", he said to his executioner. "At this hour my ague comes upon me. I would not have my enemies think I quaked from fear." After he was allowed to see the axe that would behead him, he mused: "This is a sharp Medicine, but it is a Physician for all diseases and miseries." According to many biographers – Raleigh Trevelyan in his book Sir Walter Raleigh (2002) for instance – Sir Walter's final words (as he lay ready for the axe to fall) were: "Strike, man, strike!"[citation needed]
  • At his public execution, the murderer William Palmer is said to have looked at the trapdoor on the gallows and asked the hangman, "Are you sure it's safe?"[49]
  • Murderer James French has been attributed with famous last words before his death by electric chair: "How's this for a headline? 'French Fries'." Similar words were spoken days preceding his execution, and were not his actual last words (see § Execution and last words).
  • John Amery, hanged for treason in 1945, said to the executioner Albert Pierrepoint "I've always wanted to meet you, Mr. Pierrepoint, though not of course under these circumstances!"[50]
  • Neville Heath was hanged for murder in 1946. A few minutes prior to his execution, as was the custom, Heath was offered a glass of whisky to steady his nerves by the prison governor. He replied, "While you're about it, sir, you might make that a double".[51]

Military[edit]

Military life is full of gallows humor, as those in the services continuously live in the danger of being killed, especially in wartime. For example:

  • The Imperial Japanese Navy Mitsubishi G4M Isshikirikkou (イッシキリッコウ) "Betty" bomber airplane was called "Hamaki" (葉巻 or はまき, meaning cigar) by the Japanese crews not only because its fuselage was cigar-shaped, but because it had a tendency to ignite and burn violently when it was hit.
  • When the survivors of HMS Sheffield, sunk in 1982 in the Falklands War, were awaiting rescue, they were reported to have sung the Monty Python song, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life".[52]
  • Soviet pilots in World War II joked that the true meaning of the type designation of the LaGG-3 was Lakirovanny Garantirovanny Grob, "varnished guaranteed coffin".
  • American tanks of the Second World War M3 Lee, which were supplied to the USSR under the Lend-Lease program, were called in Russian BM-6 -Bratskaya Mogila na shesterykh ("mass grave for six crew members" - "General Lee" model) or BM-7 -Bratskaya Mogila na semerykh ("General Grant" model) by soviet soldiers, as penetrative hits would fragment inside the vehicle, killing all crew members inside. Similar names were also used for domestic multi-turreted tanks, chiefly the T-28medium tank and T-35heavy tank models, for their cramped internal layouts and poor armor protection.
  • In the Battle of Jutland (May 31 – June 1, 1916), the destroyer HMS Tipperary was sunk in an overnight engagement with the heavily armed German dreadnought SMS Westfalen. Only 13 survived out of a crew of 197. The survivors were identified in the darkness by the crew of HMS Sparrowhawk because they were heard in the distance, singing, "It's a long way to Tipperary".[53]
  • At the Battle of Chemin des Dames, French Chief of Staff Robert Nivelle ordered his men to attack enemy lines repeatedly despite disastrous losses. French soldiers eventually went into battle baaing like sheep.
  • The German soldiers backronymed the 3.7 cm Pak 36 anti-tank gun, which had notoriously bad penetration against Matilda II and Char B1 tanks, as Panzer anklopf Kanone ("tank doorknocker")
  • Likewise, the 20 mm single barrel anti-aircraft gun had the name Selbstmordstuhl ("suicide chair"), as the gunner was prone to get strafed easily.
  • During the Winter War the Soviet Union bombed Helsinki, and after Soviets claimed they were air-dropping food to the "starving people of Helsinki" the Finnish people dubbed the Soviet bombs "Molotov bread baskets", and in return called their firebombs Molotov cocktails, as "a drink to go with the food."
  • During World War II, the Soviet soldiers dubbed the 45 mm anti-tank gun M1937 (53-K) "Good bye, Motherland!", as its penetration was proving to be inadequate for the task of destroying German tanks, meaning a crew operating one was practically defenseless against the enemy tanks.
  • During World War II, United States ships in the escort carrier category were given the ship prefix "CVE". Crews joked that this stood for "Combustible, Vulnerable, Expendable" due to the ship's complete lack of armor and high numbers of ships constructed.
  • During World War II, British and American soldiers referred to the Landing Ship, Tank, abbreviated LST, as 'Long Slow Target' or 'Large Slow Target' when facing German forces. It was 382 feet (116 m) long, but some could only manage 10–12 knots (19–22 km/h; 12–14 mph) fully laden.
  • After the Finnish coastal defence ship Ilmarinen went down with 271 fatalities after hitting a mine on September 13, 1941, the 132 survivors were nicknamed "Ilmarisen uimaseura" – "Ilmarinen's swimming team."
  • The Black Bean Episode of 1843 was an aftermath of the Mier expedition, during which soldiers from the Republic of Texas had invaded Mexico and been captured by Mexican troops. After they escaped and were recaptured, it was ordered that one-tenth of the Texan soldiers would be put to death. The victims were chosen by lottery. A bean was placed in a jar for each of the Texans; most beans were white, but one in ten was black. Soldiers who drew a black bean were subsequently shot. The first Texan to do so, James Decatur Cocke, held up his black bean, smiled, and said, "Boys, I told you so; I never failed in my life to draw a prize."
  • The Israeli tank Magach was at service within the IDF until the early 2000s. A popular joke said that the name "Magach" (מג"ח) stands for "Movil Gufot Charukhot" (מוביל גופות חרוכות) — "charred bodies carrier", probably referring to the Yom Kippur War losses and particularly to the aforementioned flammable hydraulic fluid problem of the tank.
  • The Allied Second World War operation, Operation Market Garden was split into two parts. Market was the airbone element and Garden was the ground element. Market was a failure resulting in the defeat of the British 1st Airborne Division at Arnhem. One British paratrooper is alleged to have said "do you know why they call it Operation Market? It's because everyone's bought it", with "bought it" being military slang for being killed.

Emergency service workers[edit]

Workers in the emergency services are also known for using black comedy:

  • Graham Wettone, a retired English police officer who wrote a book How To Be A Police Officer, noted the presence of black comedy in the police force. He described it as "often not the type of humour that can be understood outside policing or the other emergency services." For example, an officer who attended four cases of suicide by hanging in six months was nicknamed "Albert" (after the hangman Albert Pierrepoint) and encountered comments like "You hanging around the canteen today?"[36]
  • In 2018, a Massachusetts firefighter was reprimanded for a response to a call about a cat stuck in a tree. The firefighter told the caller that the cat would probably make its own way down as he had never seen a cat skeleton in a tree before.[54] An opinion article in Fire Chief magazine said that these kinds of jokes were common in the fire service, but would be inappropriate to share with a concerned member of the public.[37]

Other[edit]

An example of black comedy appears in Laurence Sterne's 1759 English novel Tristram Shandy; Tristram, five years old at the time, starts to urinate out of an open window for lack of a chamber pot. The sash falls and circumcises him; his family reacts with both hysteria and philosophical acceptance.

There are several titles such as It Only Hurts When I Laugh and Only When I Laugh, which allude to the punch line of a joke which exists in numerous versions since at least the 19th century. A typical setup is that someone badly hurt is asked "Does it hurt?" — "I am fine; it only hurts when I laugh."[55][56]

Ronald Reagan, after being shot by John Hinckley Jr. in 1981, is reported to have made multiple quips on his way to and inside the emergency room, including "Honey, I forgot to duck" to his wife, "All in all, I'd rather be in Philadelphia" in a note written to his nurse, and perhaps most famously to his doctors, "Please tell me you're Republicans."[57]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ^Merhi, Vanessa M. (2006) Distortion as identity from the grotesque to l'humour noir
  2. ^Dark Humor. Edited by Blake Hobby. Chelsea House Press.
  3. ^"Black humour". britannica.com. Retrieved April 15, 2018.
  4. ^Garrick, Jacqueline and Williams, Mary Beth (2006) Trauma treatment techniques: innovative trends pp.175–6
  5. ^Lipman, Steve (1991) Laughter in hell: the use of humor during the Holocaust, Northvale, N.J:J Aronson Inc.
  6. ^Kurt Vonnegut (1971) Running Experiments Off: An Interview, interview by Laurie Clancy, published in Meanjin Quarterly, 30 (Autumn, 1971), pp.46–54, and in Conversations with Kurt Vonnegut, quote:

    The term was part of the language before Freud wrote an essay on it—'gallows humor.' This is middle European humor, a response to hopeless situations. It's what a man says faced with a perfectly hopeless situation and he still manages to say something funny. Freud gives examples: A man being led out to be hanged at dawn says, 'Well, the day is certainly starting well.' It's generally called Jewish humor in this country. Actually it's humor from the peasants' revolt, the forty years' war, and from the Napoleonic wars. It's small people being pushed this way and that way, enormous armies and plagues and so forth, and still hanging on in the face of hopelessness. Jewish jokes are middle European jokes and the black humorists are gallows humorists, as they try to be funny in the face of situations which they see as just horrible.

  7. ^ abcdefghijBloom, Harold (2010) Dark Humor, ch. On dark humor in literature, pp.80–88
  8. ^ abcdefghijFreud (1927) Humor
  9. ^ abReal, Hermann Josef (2005) The reception of Jonathan Swift in Europe, p.90 quote:

    At least, Swift's text is preserved, and so is a prefactory note by the French writer André Breton, which emphasizes Swift's importance as the originator of black humor, of laughter that arises from cynicism and scepticism.

  10. ^ abLezard, Nicholas (February 21, 2009). "From the sublime to the surreal". The Guardian. London.
  11. ^ abc"black humor – Dictionary definition of black humor – Encyclopedia.com: FREE online dictionary". www.encyclopedia.com. Retrieved April 15, 2018.
  12. ^ ab"black humor – Hutchinson encyclopedia article about black humor". Encyclopedia.farlex.com. Retrieved June 24, 2010.
  13. ^ abAndré Breton introduction to Swift in Anthology of Black Humor, quote:

    When it comes to black humor, everything designates him as the true initiator. In fact, it is impossible to coordinate the fugitive traces of this kind of humor before him, not even in Heraclitus and the Cynics or in the works of Elizabethan dramatic poets. [...] historically justify his being presented as the first black humorist. Contrary to what Voltaire might have said, Swift was in no sense a "perfected Rabelais." He shared to the smallest possible degree Rabelais's taste for innocent, heavy-handed jokes and his constant drunken good humor. [...] a man who grasped things by reason and never by feeling, and who enclosed himself in skepticism; [...] Swift can rightfully be considered the inventor of "savage" or "gallows" humor.

  14. ^Thomas Leclair (1975) Death and Black Humor in Critique, Vol. 17, 1975
  15. ^Rowe, W. Woodin (1974). "Observations on Black Humor in Gogol' and Nabokov". The Slavic and East European Journal. 18 (4): 392–399. doi:10.2307/306869. JSTOR 306869.
  16. ^ abMerriam-Webster, Inc (1995) Merriam-Webster's encyclopedia of literature, entry black humor, p.144
  17. ^O'Neill, Patrick (2010). "The Comedy of Entropy: The Contexts of Black Humor". In Harold Bloom; Blake Hobby (eds.). Dark Humor. Bloom's Literary Themes. New York, New York: Infobase Publishing. p. 82. ISBN . Retrieved March 25, 2017.
  18. ^James Carter Talking Books: Children's Authors Talk About the Craft, Creativity and Process of Writing, Volume 2 p.97 Routledge, 2002
  19. ^"Panu Rajala: Hirmuinen humoristi. Veikko Huovisen satiirit ja savotat [The awesome humorist. The satires and logging sites of Veikko Huovinen] | Books from Finland". May 16, 2013.
  20. ^Paul Lewis, "Three Jews and a Blindfold: The Politics of Gallows Humor", In: "Semites and Stereotypes: Characteristics of Jewish Humor" (1993), ISBN 0-313-26135-0, p. 49
  21. ^Obrdlik, Antonin J. (1942) "Gallows Humor"-A Sociological Phenomenon, American Journal of Sociology, Vol. 47, No. 5 (Mar. 1942), pp. 709–716
  22. ^Mariah Snyder, Ruth Lindquist Complementary and alternative therapies in nursing
  23. ^Wylie Sypher quoted in ZhouRaymond, Jingqiong Carver's short fiction in the history of black humor p.132
  24. ^Kurt Vonnegut (1971) Running Experiments Off: An Interview, in Conversations with Kurt Vonnegut quote:

    The term was part of the language before Freud wrote an essay on it – 'gallows humour.' This is middle European humour, a response to hopeless situations. It's what a man says faced with a perfectly hopeless situation and he still manages to say something funny. Freud gives examples: A man being led out to be hanged at dawn says, 'Well, the day is certainly starting well.' It's generally called Jewish humour in this country. Actually it's humour from the peasants' revolt, the thirty years' war, and from the Napoleonic wars. It's small people being pushed this way and that way, enormous armies and plagues and so forth, and still hanging on in the face of hopelessness. Jewish jokes are middle European jokes. And the black humourists are gallows humourists, as they try to be funny in the face of situations which they see as just horrible.

  25. ^Lynch, Mark A witch, before being burned at the stake: Typical man! I can never get him to cook anything at home (cartoon)
  26. ^Redfern, W. D. and Redfern, Walter (2005) Calembours, ou les puns et les autres : traduit de l'intraduisible , p.211 quote:

    Des termes parents du Galgenhumor sont: : comédie noire, plaisanterie macabre, rire jaune. (J'en offre un autre: gibêtises).

  27. ^Müller, Walter (1961) Französische Idiomatik nach Sinngruppen, p.178 quote:

    humour macabre, humeur de désespéré, (action de) rire jaune Galgenhumor propos guilleret etwas freie, gewagte Äußerung

  28. ^Dupriez, Bernard Marie (1991) A dictionary of literary devices: gradus, A-Z, p.313 quote:

    Walter Redfern, discussing puns about death, remarks: 'Related terms to gallows humour are: black comedy, sick humour, rire jaune. In all, pain and pleasure are mixed, perhaps the definitive recipe for all punning' (Puns, p. 127).

  29. ^Brachin, Pierre (1985) The Dutch language: a survey pp.101–2
  30. ^Claude et Marcel De Grève, Françoise Wuilmart, TRADUCTION / TranslationArchived May 19, 2011, at the Wayback Machine, section Histoire et théorie de la traduction – Recherches sur les microstructures, in: Grassin, Jean-Marie (ed.), DITL (Dictionnaire International des Termes Littéraires), [Nov 22, 2010]"
  31. ^(1950) Zaïre, Volume 4, Part 1, p.138 quote:

    En français on dit « rire jaune », en flamand « groen lachen »

  32. ^Chédel, André (1965) Description moderne des langues du monde: le latin et le grec inutile? p.171 quote:

    Les termes jaune, vert, bleu évoquent en français un certain nombre d'idées qui sont différentes de celles que suscitent les mots holandais correspondants geel, groen, blauw. Nous disons : rire jaune, le Hollandais dit : rire vert ( groen lachen ); ce que le Néerlandais appelle un vert (een groentje), c'est ce qu'en français on désigne du nom de bleu (un jeune soldat inexpéribenté)... On voit que des confrontations de ce genre permettent de concevoir une étude de la psychologie des peuples fondée sur les associations d'idées que révèlent les variations de sens (sémantique), les expressions figurées, les proverbes et les dictions.

  33. ^Pardo, Denise (2001) Interview with Daniele Luttazzi, in L'Espresso, February 1, 2001 quote:

    Q: Critiche feroci, interrogazioni parlamentari: momenti duri per la satira.
    A: Satira è far ridere a spese di chi è più ricco e potente di te. Io sono specialista nella risata verde, quella dei cabaret di Berlino degli anni Venti e Trenta. Nasce dalla disperazione. Esempio: l'Italia è un paese dove la commissione di vigilanza parlamentare Rai si comporta come la commissione stragi e viceversa. Oppure: il mistero di Ustica è irrisolto? Sono contento: il sistema funziona.

  34. ^Daniele Luttazzi (2004) Interview, in the Italian edition of Rolling Stone, November 2004. Quote:

    racconto di satira grottesca [...] L'obiettivo del grottesco è far percepire l'orrore di una vicenda. Non è la satira cui siamo abituati in Italia: la si ritrova nel cabaret degli anni '20 e '30, poi è stata cancellata dal carico di sofferenze della guerra. Aggiungo che io avevo spiegato in apertura di serata che ci sarebbero stati momenti di satira molto diversi. Satira ironica, che fa ridere, e satira grottesca, che può far male. Perché porta alla risata della disperazione, dell'impotenza. La risata verde. Era forte, perché coinvolgeva in un colpo solo tutti i cardini satirici: politica, religione, sesso e morte. Quello che ho fatto è stato accentuare l'interazione tra gli elementi. Non era di buon gusto? Rabelais e Swift, che hanno esplorato questi lati oscuri della nostra personalità, non si sono mai posti il problema del buon gusto.

  35. ^ abMarmo, Emanuela (2004) Interview with Daniele Luttazzi (March 2004) quote:

    Quando la satira poi riesce a far ridere su un argomento talmente drammatico di cui si ride perché non c'è altra soluzione possibile, si ha quella che nei cabaret di Berlino degli Anni '20 veniva chiamata la “risata verde”. È opportuno distinguere una satira ironica, che lavora per sottrazione, da una satira grottesca, che lavora per addizione. Questo secondo tipo di satira genera più spesso la risata verde. Ne erano maestri Kraus e Valentin.

  36. ^ abWettone, Graham (2017). "1". How To Be A Police Officer. Biteback. p. 4. ISBN .
  37. ^ abc"Firefighter humor stops being funny when civilians aren't in on the joke". Fire Chief. March 21, 2018. Retrieved March 8, 2019.
  38. ^ abChristopher, Sarah (December 2015). "An introduction to black humour as a coping mechanism for student paramedics". Journal of Paramedic Practice. 7 (12): 610–615. doi:10.12968/jpar.2015.7.12.610.
  39. ^"Funeral directors most likely to laugh at Christmas cracker jokes". The Daily Telegraph. November 27, 2010. Retrieved August 16, 2019.
  40. ^Willinger, Ulrike; Hergovich, Andreas; Schmoeger, Michaela; et al. (May 1, 2017). "Cognitive and emotional demands of black humour processing: the role of intelligence, aggressiveness and mood". Cognitive Processing. 18 (2): 159–167. doi:10.1007/s10339-016-0789-y. ISSN 1612-4790. PMC 5383683. PMID 28101812.
  41. ^Specktor, Brandon (October 15, 2017). "If You Laugh at These Dark Jokes, You're Probably a Genius". Reader's Digest. Retrieved April 15, 2019.
  42. ^"From a late German Paper". The Corrector. Sag Harbor, Long Island, New York, U.S. November 12, 1825. p. 1. "Bowl" means ball in modern parlance. Nine-pin bowling preceded modern ten-pin bowling.
  43. ^"Famous Last Words". Thought Catalog. May 23, 2012. Retrieved December 7, 2017.
  44. ^Gover, Dominic (September 3, 2013). "Seamus Heaney, Steve Jobs, Oscar Wilde, Karl Marx: Famous Last Words". International Business Times UK. Retrieved December 7, 2017.
  45. ^Man, John (February 10, 2011). Samurai. Transworld. p. 55. ISBN .
  46. ^Roper, William (1909–1914). The Life of Sir Thomas More. New York: Collier & Son.
  47. ^"Louis XV victime d'un attentat – 5 janvier 1757 | Coutumes et Traditions". June 10, 2015. Archived from the original on June 10, 2015. Retrieved January 21, 2019.
  48. ^A.V. Arnault, Souvenirs d’un sexagénaire, librairie Dufey, Paris, 1833. Re-released : Champion, Paris, 2003. Available on Gallica.
  49. ^Witticisms Of 9 Condemned CriminalsArchived March 14, 2008, at the Wayback Machine at Canongate Press
  50. ^Fielding, Steve, Pierrepoint: Family of Executioners (London: John Blake Publishing, paperback, 2008)
  51. ^O'Connor, Sean (2013) Handsome Brute Simon & Schuster. p.382
  52. ^"Icons of England, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"". Archived from the original on July 17, 2011.
  53. ^"The Fighting at Jutland". Kipling Society. Retrieved July 19, 2018.
  54. ^"Firefighter reprimanded for response to woman who reported cat in tree". FireRescue1. March 3, 2018. Retrieved March 8, 2019.
  55. ^Leon Rappoport, Punchlines: The Case for Racial, Ethnic, and Gender Humor, p. 83
  56. ^"The Joke Stops Here", Memphis Flyer
  57. ^"Read President Reagan's Best Jokes About Being Shot". Time. Retrieved April 15, 2018.
Sours: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy
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Innocent jokes are fine & dandy – but we all know that dark jokes are our true favorite. Sure, cracking jokes about death, depression, tragedy, & murder may be heartless & cruel, and so are some raunchy jokes about meeting people *Wink-wink* at places like HuntLocals. But boy do they offer some sweet laughs. It’s time to accept it – dark humor is evil in the best way.

With Humor and Laugh it’s also good to know about growing technology! One remote control can literally control all your devices! TBH it’s not a joke to learn more check out myuniversalremotecodes.com and learn about universal remote control and universal remote codes to program all your gadgets and devices like TV, DVD, VCR, SAT and Sound Bars etc.

A study made at the University of Harvard showed that painting can relief as much stress as laughing about a dark humor joke without the risk of going to hell? Well, you may be thinking but I don’t know how to paint, don’t worry, nowadays you can turn your favorite photo into a personalized paint by number and paint a masterpiece with no prior experience. To me it sounds better that going to hell but I will let you choose :)

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Ready to walk through the gates of hell with us? If yes, then visit New KickAss Torrents (KAT) Websites or uwatchfreemovies and start creating dark humor jokes as these dark jokes are on fire – in other words, they’re luring you into hell’s pit of fire. If that’s too hyperbolic for you – they’re at least bound to put a devilish smile on your face. Therefore , Different error codes solutions like [pii_email_e6685ca0de00abf1e4d5] error code solution is also available at technology base website.

Sharing is caring, if these dark jokes will make you feel happy then send it to your friends and family to make them happy, too. You can use freetone for sending texts all over the USA and Canada. If you want to send unlimited texts for free then use FreeTone Mod Apk, and make everyone happy.

Time crime

Boy, do therapists get it rough. Are we the experiment or are they?

uudetkasinot.com

Pick of the litter

We recommend not trying this one out for fun. Still – that look must have been priceless.

Out of the picture

We all want to take out our mothers-in-law. It’s always an enjoyable affair – especially when it’s actually just revenge.

No homerun fun

Sorry, orphans – it’s not personal. 

RIP off

The librarian gives zero f**s. 

vedonlyöntibonukset

Sorry-not-apologize

There are times that synonyms are not synonyms. Context really matter here.

Baked baby

If that’s actually an accurate number, whoever posted this is sadistic af. 

Afraid of the dark

That’s a guaranteed way to make fears escalate. If we were that boy, we’d run. 

Possessed shopper

Definitely trying this. Who knew clumsiness could turn into something so dark & hilarious? 

Oh baby

We’re so sorry – this one is guaranteed to send you to hell. Hopefully, we won’t see these poor souls there with us.

We asked our own astrology expert, Phoenix Knor’malle, Psychic Advisor to make a case analysis:

As a medium, I think humor is a good way to cope with tough situations. Darkness is important for balance, and avoiding ‘dark subjects’ such as death or depression does not help people embrace their shadow. The shadow is just as much a part of you as the light is, and joking about ‘heavy’ or ‘intense’ topics is a fantastic way to bring these issues to the surface. Mediums deal with death a lot, and often develop dark humor as a result. There is a big difference between mediums and psychics, as explained here. Dark humor is a wonderful tool to help process difficult situations or feelings, especially around death and dying. 

If you laughed at any of these then your one-way ticket to Hell is guaranteed. You may as well enjoy these hilarious dark humor memes too!

Sours: https://filmdaily.co/news/dark-humor-jokes-2/
DARK HUMOUR TIKTOK COMPILATION
50 funny dark jokes and puns

Dark jokes or dark humour is best used when dealing with subjects that are otherwise difficult to discuss. Sometimes it is a taboo to venture into certain matters in the community. However, most comedians have found a way of passing a message even when it is painful and dark using this unique kind of humour.

dark puns

If you are discussing a matter deemed abominable, consider doing so using dark humor. It takes a certain level of understanding to get dark jokes. Here are a few examples to consider.

Dark humor jokes

Do you consider yourself one of those people with a dark sense of humor? Have you ever found yourself stuck because of a subject that you cannot discuss probably because it is sensitive? If this sounds familiar, then consider using a few funny dark jokes that will communicate what you want to say without necessarily offending anyone. Here are a few examples to consider.

  • I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
  • Orphans play baseball best because they have no idea where home is.
  • Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
dark joke
  • The decision of not wanting our children has been a unanimous one as my wife and I concluded. All we need now are contact details of people that need us to do the drop.
  • A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
  • Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
  • One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
  • So I went to my friend's house and he asked me to be at home. So, in my usual style, I took matters into my own hands and had him thrown out. I do not like visitors after all.
  • My wife asked me the other day to pass her her lipstick but I passed her a glue stick. It happens that she has decided not to talk to me even now.
  • I knocked at my granny's house and she asked who I was. I did not know that Alzheimer's got the best of her.

Dark humour

The reality of some of the darkest jokes in the world is that not everyone gets it. This is what makes these jokes intelligent and a preserve for a few. You have to be intelligent to get the joke. Here are a few more examples.

  1. A dark joke is like food, not many people get it.
  2. What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? The redneck spinster.
  3. What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
  4. I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.
  5. Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was black.
  6. As I do more laundry, nakedness seems more realistic.
  7. Girlhood is like a bubble, all it takes is one little idiot and it is gone.
  8. A man went into a library and asked for a book on killing yourself. The librarian said: “F**k off, you won’t bring it back.”
  9. A Jew with a boner runs into a wall, what does he break? His nose.
  10. Well, it is true that humans eat more bananas than monkeys just as recent research suggests. I agree because I can’t remember when last I enjoyed eating a monkey.
  11. Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.
  12. Where did Lucy go during the bombing? Everywhere.
  13. The day could not have gotten any worse. My ex-girlfriend was run down by a bus and what followed was me losing my job as the bus driver.
  14. I never needed unstable relationships to teach me about broken relationship vices, my parents were perfect examples.
  15. Funny how a man gave up s*x, controlled substance, alcohol and expensive food just to be healthy. This only lasted up to the time he killed himself.
  16. You get yourself a rope when you enter into a relationship.
  17. I have thought about it long enough and my conclusion is that I have had enough of being an adult.
  18. It's always a mixed reaction; when I see a bird fly I get jealous when I see it fly into a window, I laugh my heart out.
  19. I got a new definition for a bunch of white guys seated on a bench, NBA.
  20. Why won't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hilary Clinton? The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Dark humor quotes

dark humour
  1. “Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.” Jimmy Carr
  2. "I hate to advocate controlled substances, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
  3. I like dark humor. My favorite movie of all time is 'Harold and Maude.'
  4. "When in doubt, blow something up." - J. Michael Straczynski.
  5. You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue. - Claude Chabrol.
  6. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. - Oscar Wilde.
  7. It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.
  8. "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." - Will Rogers.
  9. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin.
  10. "Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk." - Robert Bloch.

Funny dark humour puns

  • The easiest way to know you are ugly is when you are handed the camera every time there is a group photo.
  • If you want to stop an argument between deaf people, be fast and switch off the lights. Case ended!
  • Its a bitter-sweet end for me as I won the bet after my friend drowned in the lake.
  • My boss farted in front of a Jewish client. "A little gas never killed anybody."
  • I got a second opinion after I asked my psychiatrist for it after he said I was crazy. He said I was ugly too.
  • Only the holocaust beats finding a worm in your apple.
  • Having a mind that is considered dirty makes conversations far more interesting.
  • You will learn that the only difference between a gun and a rope is the duration one takes to make a knot with either.
  • My drinking problem is that I cannot afford it.
  • Blow something up when you are in doubt.

The best dark jokes are sometimes not the easiest to understand but they pass the message all the same.

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Sours: https://www.legit.ng/1254935-50-funny-dark-jokes-puns.html

Jokes dark humor

WARNING: Offensive jokes. Only to be kept to yourself or told to friends as sick as you. 

Some people just have really disgusting senses of humor and laugh at things which really shouldn’t be funny. If that’s you, congratulations! You’ve come to the right place. 

If you do have a dark sense of humor, relax. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, with some studies even showing that those who enjoy dark humor jokes may even be more intelligent than the average person.   

If black comedy does it for you, I’m sure you’ll love this definitive list of over 80 dark, sick and morbid jokes. 

I know we started this list out with a warning, but here’s another one just in case: This is a collection of dark jokes. Dark humor focuses on parts of life we normally don’t like to talk about, such as death, disease, depression and disaster, and attempts to make these things a little less scary by looking at the funny side of them. 

Some may find these jokes offensive, but since this article is labelled “86 jokes so dark we have to warn you twice”, we will assume you’re here by choice. Let’s begin…

 

Dark Humor Jokes to die for 

dark humor jokes

My grief counsellor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care.

 

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

 

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

 

Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person

 

Priest: “Do you have any last requests?”
Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”

 

Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!

 

I hope death is a woman.
That way it will never come for me. (ref)

 

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

 

Morbid Medical Mirth

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”

 

Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

dark jokes

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

 

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

 

Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?

 

Man with cancer: “How much time do I have left?”
Doctor: “Ten”
Man with cancer: “Months? Weeks? Days?”
“… Nine. Eight …”

 

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.

 

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)

 

What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

Next: F’ked Up Jokes

 

These Sad, Sad Jokes Are Seriously Funny 

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

funny dark jokes

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

 

Why can’t you get a book on how to commit suicide at a library?
Because you wouldn’t bring it back

 

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.

 

What makes sad people jump?
Bridges.

 

You’re not completely useless.
You can always be used as a bad example.

funny dark humor jokes

How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.

 

Dark Humor Jokes so sick they should probably pull the plug

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 metres of a school?
Because he’s dead

 

A man and a woman are walking through the woods at night when the woman says “I’m scared”.
“How do you think I feel?” The man replies. “I have to walk back alone.”

 

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage

 

Grandma: Most people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Most people your age are dead by now, why aren’t you?

dark comedy jokes 2021

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

 

What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer

 

What’s the best part about turning 60?
No more calls from life insurance salesmen.

 

My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

What’s the difference between a baby and a potato. About 140 calories. 

 

What’s the special in a restaurant for cannibals?
Heads, shoulders, knees and toes

 

In New York, someone gets mugged every ten seconds.
Poor guy. 

dark comedy jokes

I had a crush on my teacher, which was confusing, because I was homeschooled.

 

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you.
But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police. 

 

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”

 

Life is like a peepee
It’s often hard for no reason

 

Where did Sharon go during the bombing?
Everywhere

dark humour jokes

Dark humor is like food
Not everyone gets it 

 

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink. 

 

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

 

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

 

Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?
Because they taste funny!

 

Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.

dark black jokes

I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Next: 75 Stupid Jokes That Will Make You Burst Out Laughing

 

Putrid Parenting 

When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back

 

I childproofed my house
Somehow they still got in!

dark funny jokes

My wife and I have decided we don’t want children.
The only problem is we already have three. 

 

Wife: “I want another baby”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one”

 

“Madam, your son just called me ugly!”
“I’m so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it’s wrong to judge people on their looks…”

 

What do you call people who use the rhythm method of contraception?
Parents. 

 

Despicable Dog Jokes 

What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull.

extremely dark humor

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

 

What animal has five legs?
A pitbull returning from a playground

 

Boy: “Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas, please?”
Mom: “No, you’re getting turkey, like every year!“

 

Dark Jokes About Covid

hilarious dark jokes

People with Covid have no taste!

 

I have a joke about quarantine, but I don’t know if you’ll get it. It’s an inside joke. 

 

I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid. They flu over your heads

 

What do you call it when everyone makes too many dumb Covid jokes?
A pundemic 

 

Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? A: It’s a long story…

 

Since the pandemic started, my wife just stands there sadly looking through the window.
I should probably go let her in.

Next: 83 Brewtiful Coffee Puns & Jokes

 

Sizzling Hot Jokes About Climate Change

What do you call someone who won’t stop raving about how the world is going to end?
A climate scientist  

 

I don’t have a carbon footprint …
I walk everywhere 

 

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people 

 

Jokes about death from the best comedians alive (and a few dead ones too)

‘Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.’ – John Cleese

 

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time. – Robin Williams 

 

“My father always used to say, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” – ’til the accident” – Jimmy Carr

 

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it’s natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it’s natural causes. ‘Cause if you was younger, you’d have got out the way! – Chris Rock

 

“Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.” – Ricky Gervais  

 

“I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.” – Anthony Jeselnik 

 

“Proof that we don’t understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.” – Jerry Seinfeld 

 

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” – Mel brooks 

 

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

 

“If you’re choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, “Heimlich maneuver,” and all will be well. Trouble is, it’s difficult to say “Heimlich maneuver” when you’re choking to death.” – Eddie Izzard 

 

“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.” – George Carlin

 

“I intend to live forever or die trying.” —Groucho Marx 

 

“’I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.”— Demetri Martin

 

“Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout, but you also don’t die” – Jimmy Carr

 

More pitch-black jokes by comedians

“I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.” – Chris Rock 

 

“British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!” – Jimmy Carr 

best dark jokes

“Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.” Jimmy Carr

 

“I gave my girlfriend something she didn’t expect for Valentine’s day…Chlamydia” – Frankie Boyle.

 

“I’m going to donate my body to science, and keep my dad happy – he always wanted me to go to medical school.” – Lee Mack 

 

“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright 

 

“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”  – Joan Rivers

 
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Daniel Friedman

Daniel Friedman

Daniel Friedman is a journalist, columnist, and blogger based in South Africa. For over ten years, he was best known as award-winning musical comedian Deep Fried Man.

Daniel Friedman

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Dark Humor Compilation

Before you indulge yourself in these jokes, we want to make a disclaimer: Black humor or dark humor is a style of comedy that makes light of subject matter that is generally considered taboo, particularly subjects that are normally considered serious or painful to discuss.

Before you go ahead, you must know that some of these jokes are outrageously offensive, gross, twisted, or distasteful. But, if you still have a knack for dark humor, here are some of the best 40 dark humor jokes ever. Enjoy.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-18

“My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-28

“I work with animals,” the guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-41

“A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “F**k off, you won’t bring it back.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-33

“My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-37

“Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-29

“Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-30

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-31

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-32

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-40

There’s a lot of talk about starting families but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-34

Dark humour is like food, not everyone gets it.

Dark-Humor-Jokes-35

What is the one good thing about child molesters? They drive slowly in the school zones.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-36

What part of a vegetable can’t you eat? The wheelchair

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-38

“Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday!”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-20

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-21

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-22

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-23

What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-24

It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-25

I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-26

“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-27

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-19

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-10

Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-12

If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-13

What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-14

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-15

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-16

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-39

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he has ever read.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-08

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-11

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-01

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-02

My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-03

What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-04

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-05

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that!

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-06

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-07

When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

Best-Dark-Humor-Jokes-09

“I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

Also Read:15 Best Crime Mystery Riddles For The Genius Detective In You

Also Read: 40+ Best Time Pass Games That Are Free For Android Phones

Also Read:50 Mind-blowing Psychology Facts About Humans That Tell Why We Do What We Do

Hope you enjoyed these dark humor jokes as much as we did! 

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Now discussing:

39 Dark Humor Jokes – That got out of Control

You are looking for the best dark humor jokes? Well, here you go. Dark humor is a different kind of humor that not every people are comfortable with. But, hey, this is your choice. After all, strong funny dark jokes gets a strong reaction.

I did my best to collect the funniest jokes with dark humor there is.

Sharing these jokes? ❤️️

Please add a link to this article. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers 🙂

Dark humor is also called black humor or black jokes. You can also consider them as morbid jokes and offensive jokes. Dark humor describes it really best though. Dark, like your ex-girlfriends heart.

I also collected seriously dirty adults jokes here.

So without any further ado, dive in this world.

Important: These edgy jokes can be offensive and aggressive to some people. Please take this into account before reading them.

Dark Humor Jokes that are dark…so so dark!

Dark humor is like food – not everybody gets it. Here goes our compilation of darkest jokes and memes!


What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A dead goldfish.

Check this our for more animal jokes!


She: “What is your body count?”
Me: “for what?”
She: “for people you have slept with.”
Me: “ahh okay…I thought you saw my basement.”
She: “What?”
Me: “What?”


On a First Date:
He: “I work with animals”
She: “That is so sweet. I love a man who care about animals. So, what do you do for a living?”
He: “I’m a butcher”


My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.


Why do Cannibals not eat Clowns?
They taste funny.


“Just say NO to drugs!”
Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.


Did Jesus die a Virgin?
No, he got nailed before he died.


Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.


What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A complete rip-off.


It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote”, one of my good friends would still be alive.


I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.


Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.


The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Read: 101 best Dad jokes of all time


Why are Americans so bad chess players?
They lost two towers.

Why are Americans so bad chess players? They lost two towers.


My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.


I will never forget my Grandfathers last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?


I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

Don’t forget to smile with our Happy Quotes.


My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.


A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said “no way, you won’t bring it back!”


Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.


My therapist told me “time heals all wounds!”. I stabbed him. Now we are waiting.


My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?


A man is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: “Hey mister, it is getting dark here and I am scared!”
Mister: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

Read:Offensive and Inappropriate Jokes (not for the faint of heart)


I put the fun in funeral.


I have a fish that can break dance. Only for 20 seconds though and only ones.

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for 20 seconds thoughand only ones. - dark humor jokes


The cemetery is overcrowded and people keep dying to get in.


I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.


I am confident, my last words will be “Are you fucking kidding me?!”


Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan.


What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both cannot be found.


Why was the leper hockey game canceled?

There was a face off in the corner.


Cigarettes are so good for the environment. They kill humans.

Cigarettes are so good for the environment. They kill humans. - dark humor jokes

I am not sick, I am twisted. Sick makes it sound like there is a cure.


Why did Waldo go to therapy?
To find himself.


What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?
The wheelchair


Why do vampires seem sick?

They’re always coffin.


Why was the orphans first phone a iPhone X?
Because there was no home button


Did you hear about that Italian Chef that died?
He Past-a-way.


What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler.


What is the difference between jelly and jam?
You can not jelly a clown into the tiny car.

Read:Crazy car jokes


Tombstone engraving:
I TOLD you I was sick.


Where did Jimmy go after getting lost in a mine field?

Everywhere.


I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down. - dark humor jokes


Summary

Seriously, you are still here? Are you really into jokes about darkness and dark humor memes? You must be a tough one or you just like dark funny jokes.

Do you know more black humor that we should add? Then leave it in the comments, we would love to add them or maybe we can we can make dark humor jokes part 2!

We hope you have you good laugh. Here are more hilarious darkness jokes just for you to keep you going!

Sours: https://jokesquotesfactory.com/dark-humor-jokes-morbid-black-comedy-offensive/


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