Happy birthday plumber funny

Happy birthday plumber funny DEFAULT

A List of Plumbing Jokes, Quotes And Puns

Plumbing Jokes

Plumbers have existed in some form since the earliest civilization began.

The art and science of plumbing really begins with great feats like harnessing the energy created by the Nile river in ancient Egypt, the builders of aqueducts throughout pagan Rome, the incredible floating city of Venice, or more modern plumbing systems used to remove waste from European castles throughout the Middle Ages. The evolution of toilets and plumbing has been a long standing profession, one of the oldest indeed. Human beings do not just need to recognize plumbers for who they are, but acknowledge just how much we truly depend on them in daily life.
The plumber, the plumbing, and all things being fixed, installed, or renovated, this is the work of great men and women. Which is the reason why our world had devoted such a wealth of humor to their challenges and tales from the workplace to their households. Plumbers of all ages and creeds shall forever be the stuff of legends, not because of the wars they have fought in, rather because of the bowls they have plumbed free so bravely.

So here is a salute to plumbers everywhere, with jokes and jests at their expense.

The Top Plumbing Jokes

Why not start our list of plumbing jokes with some quotes from the professionals out there. These are classic plumbing joke quotes, that always remind us everyone knows a plumber or has called on one.

 

1. “Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn’t change people’s habits. It just kept them inside the house.” &#; Alfred Hitchcock
2. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” &#; Rodney Dangerfield
3 .“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.” &#; Woody Allen
4. “Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.” &#; George Meany
5. &#;A plumber is the only profession where you get to take a leak and fix it at the same time.&#; &#; Joyce Hart

This next one is technically one joke, but it has been suggested that since there are at least three possible answers, then it qualifies as more than one piece of plumbing humor. Therefore, we give you the following classical plumbing tryptic for your approvals.

How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb? (We have 3 possible answers to this plumber joke.)
6.  A boss to tell the plumber, a plumber to tell the helper, and a helper to get the electrician to do it.
7.  A plumber to get the beer and a plumber to call the electrician. Or the simplest answer&#;
8. 1 Just call an electrician, plumbers don&#;t screw around with light bulbs.

Actually that one probably counts as ten jokes or jests in one. You will be left to decide for yourselves as to the number of times laughter escaped your wind pipes. That one was almost a pun in itself, but no cheating today. Here are a few oldies but goodies from the plumbing archives.

9. What makes a plumber smile anytime of day? Overtime pay.
What would a plumber like for their birthday? A pipe cleaning.
What would a plumber like after that? To lay some pipe afterwards.
What do plumbers have when they fall asleep? Pipe dreams.
What rocks while it flushes? A rocking chair toilet.

Now, it is time for some straight rim shot style plumbing humor for the senses. Drum roll please!!!

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionised.

What do plumbers always say to customers? Each time you flush a toi­let, you put food in my family’s mouth.

Do you know how a doc­tor and plumber are both alike? They both bury their mis­takes.

What&#;s the difference between a doctor and a plumber? A doctor washes his hands after he has gone to the toilet, but a plumber washes his hands before.

Do you know how a body builder and a plumber are both alike? They both love pumping iron.

What&#;s the difference between a body builder and a plumber? A plumber&#;s pipes always stay hard.

Did you hear about the miracle of the blind plumber? He pick up a hammer and saw.

“A plumber is the only per­son who can take a leak while they fix a leak!”

“Someone has broken into our local police station and stolen the toilet. Right now the Police say they have nothing to go on&#;&#;

A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak and fix one too!

What’s the one things you’ll never see a plumber do? Bite his nails.

Why does Australia need a lot of skilled plumbers? Because it is surrounded by water.

What draws so many Aussie&#;s to the plumbing industry? They love going down under.

What draws so many Aussie women to marry themselves a plumber man? They way he goes down under.

Plumbing is the only profession where you will here, “Be sure your joints have lots of dope in them”

A doctor calls his local plumber late at night to fix a clogged sink. The plumber complains that he has regular hours but the doctor explains, “I get called into work late all the time, so you can too.” The plumber gives in and arrives a half hour later. Upon arriving, the plumber looks at the sink but is clearly uninterested in it. He hands the doctor two aspirin and says “I have a golf match to get to. Take two and call me in the morning.”

A local doctor called a plumber out in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked. He insisted that it was urgent and needed to be attended to immediately. Upon arrival the plumber lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said ‘If it’s still there in the morning, give us another ring.’

“A father was show­ing a new co-worker a pic­ture of his five sons. His friend asked What they did for a liv­ing. The father said the older two are doc­tors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the mid­dle son and the father said, “Oh, he’s a plumber. Some­one had to pay for all the oth­ers’ edu­ca­tions.”

A man at a train stop shows off pictures of his three sons to a friend. “What do your boys do for a living?” asked the man. “Well my youngest is a neurosurgeon and my middle is a lawyer,” He replied. “What does the oldest do?” the man asked. The father replied, “He’s the plumber that put them through school.”

A Texan is admiring Niagara Falls. As the tremendous amount of water flows over the falls, a local walks up to the Texan and says, “I bet you don’t have anything like that where you are from.” “No we don’t,” admits the Texan, “But we have plumbers that can fix it!”

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet. The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, “That will be $”
The surgeon replies, “I am a surgeon and even I do not charge $ a minute.”
The plumber says, “Yeah, I didn’t either when I was a surgeon. Why do you think I switched?”

This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, So let me tell you right up front that he&#;s fine. Getting him out wasn&#;t easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

My husband, Rich and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands. I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more&#;

A lad is admiring the Niagara Falls when a local approaches him and says, ‘Bet you’ve got nothing like that where you come from.’ ‘No,’ admits the resident. ‘But we’ve got plumbers who could fix it.’

A dog goes into a Plumbers Merchants and says, &#;I&#;d like a job please&#;. The owner says: &#;We don&#;t hire dogs, why don&#;t you go join the circus?&#; The dog replies, &#;What would the circus want with a plumber?&#;

“Plumbers are the only peo­ple on Earth that can feel good about being sh*tty.”

Why did the elephant go in the men&#;s room? He wanted some nuts.

When does Denzel Washington have hang out with Rugrats? Potty Training Day.

What did the poo say to the fart? You blow me away.

What&#;s thirty feet long and smells like urine? Line dancing at a nursing home.

Why did the cop sit on the toilet? To do his duty.

What do you call a bathroom Superhero? Flush Gordon.

Why don&#;t blondes bring their iPhones into the bathroom? Because they don&#;t want anyone to stealing their IP address!

What would you find in Superman&#;s bathroom? A Superbowl.

Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? Because he was pissed off.

What do you call a fairy using the toilet? Stinker bell!

How did the blind women parents punish her? They stuck a plunger in the toilet.

What do you get when you combine the Sham Wow and a Snuggie? A reason to pee in your pants!

Why doesn&#;t Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet? He scares the sh*t out of it!

Why did they install a toilet at the garbage heap? Every one had to take a dump.

What do you call a country where everyone is pissed? A urination.

What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed!

A plumber was called to woman&#;s apartment in New York City to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked dish.
During the course of the afternoon, the two became extremely friendly. About p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans.
&#;That was my husband,&#; she said, putting down the phone. &#;He&#;s on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8 p.m.. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off.&#;
The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. &#;What? On my own time?&#;

A doctor has some trouble with the kitchen sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it&#;s his day off.
&#;But I get called out on my days off, too!&#; says the doctor, somewhat exasperated.&#; So, the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, &#;Put these in. If it doesn&#;t clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow.&#;

There just happened to be a lawyer convention and a plumber convention in Oregon at the same time. There was a party of three plumbers and three lawyers leaving California and taking the train to the conventions. As they were standing in line for tickets, the lawyers noticed that the plumbers only bought one ticket. The lawyers bought their three tickets and boarded the train but watched the plumbers to see how they were going to get by with only one ticket.
After boarding, the three plumbers squeezed into a restroom. Finally the porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, &#;Ticket please&#;. The door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket.

After the conventions, the lawyers decided to do the same thing so they only purchased one ticket. However they noticed the plumbers didn&#;t purchase any tickets at all. They weren&#;t too concerned though because -hey- they were saving some bucks right? Well, they all boarded the train and the lawyers packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the plumbers came by and knocked on the door saying, &#;Ticket please.&#;

I once worked with a plumber in New York City that said, &#;Every time you flush your toilet you&#;re putting food in my family&#;s mouth&#;. (Another version of a similar punch line)

A local doctor called us out in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked. He insisted that it was urgent and that we attend immediately. Upon arrival we lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said &#;If it&#;s still there in the morning, give us another ring.

Well, that is fun. But how about a few more funny quotes&#;

“If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.” &#; Albert Einstein

“Let’s say I was a plumber, or I worked at a factory, I would download music, you feel what I’m saying?” &#; Obie Trice

“Had I been more responsible I might have made something of myself as a junk bond trader, long-haul trucker or perhaps a plumbing contractor.” &#; Brock Yates

“If I waited for inspiration every time I sat down to write a song I probably would be a plumber today.” &#; Barry Mann

“A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.” &#; Arthur Baer

“Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he’d be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman.” &#; Bela Lugosi

“Modern cynics and skeptics… see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.” &#; John F. Kennedy

“The process of competitively selecting contractors to perform work is based on a system of rewards and penalties, all distributed randomly.”
&#; Norman R. Augustine

A plumber in San Diego arrived at his next job only to find his client was going out. Worried about the clients Rotweiler the man asks if he could come back later.
Noticing the plumber’s insecurity the client says, “Don’t worry about the dog he won’t hurt you, but whatever you do don’t talk to the parrot!”. Heeding the client’s warning he walks into the house and into the kitchen.

Feeling more confident about the Rotweiler he starts working on the sink. Barely after starting he notices the parrot sitting by the Rotweiler, all of a sudden the parrot bursts out with a bunch of insult’s. Almost half way through the job the plumber starts to get angry, he starts to tell the bird to shut up.All of a sudden the bird becomes silent, then very quietly the bird says, “Sick him Rex.”

A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked. He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day and sealed a few screws, and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked. “This is one-third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.
Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him, “I understand your position as a professor. Why don’t you come to our company and apply for a plumber position?
You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don’t like educated people.”
So it happened. The professor got a job as a plumber and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.
One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber had to go to evening classes to complete the eighth grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just
happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students’ knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of a circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, and he filled the white board with integrals, differentials, and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result, he got “minus pi times r square.”

He didn’t like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He gave the class a
frightened look and saw all the plumbers whisper: “Switch the limits of the integral!!”

A little old lady had some trouble with her pipes, so she called the plumber and asked him to come and fix them, which he promised to do first thing the following morning. Being a little forgetful, she forgot he was coming the following morning and went out to do her shopping and then play bridge with her cronies.

When the plumber turned up and knocked on her door, her parrot squawked, &#;Who&#;s there?&#; And the plumber answered: &#;It&#;s the plumber, come to mend the pipes.&#; When no one answered the door after a few minutes, the plumber knocked again, and the parrot squawked, &#;Who&#;s there?&#; And the plumber answered: &#;It&#;s the plumber, come to mend the pipes.&#; Still no one answered and so, after a few more minutes, the plumber knocked again, and the parrot squawked, &#;Who&#;s there?&#; And, once again, the plumber answered: &#;It&#;s the plumber, come to mend the pipes.&#;
By mid-morning he was crying with frustration and by lunchtime the poor fella had died of exhaustion. That evening, the little old lady returned home and stumbled over someone as she tried to unlatch her door in the dark. &#;Who&#;s there?&#; she said. And the parrot answered: &#;It&#;s the plumber, come to mend the pipes.&#;

A doctor has some trouble with the kitchen sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it&#;s his day off.
&#;But I get called out on my days off, too!&#; says the doctor, somewhat exasperated. So, the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, &#;Put these in. If it doesn&#;t clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow.&#;

On coming home from a late night at the office, the partner at a presigious law firm discovered that his basement was flooded. He summoned a plumber. The plumber arrived soon afterward, with a spare set of overalls and a cap that said &#;Blue Collar Guy&#;.The lawyer, still dressed in his expensive suit, silk tie, and gleaming wingtips, chuckled. &#;I like your hat,&#; he said. &#;But you&#;re the first plumber I&#;ve met who brought a change of clothes to a job.&#; The plumber smiled.
The plumber went down into the basement, and the lawyer heard him working downstairs. Before too long, the plumber came back upstairs. &#;I&#;m almost done down there. I&#;m going to write up your bill, then I&#;m going to go out to my truck for a tool I need to finish up.&#;

The plumber added, &#;The overalls and hat you asked me about, they&#;re not for me. I&#;m looking for a new assistant, and I was hoping you might know somebody who wanted the job.&#; The lawyer responded, with more than a hint of condescension, &#;I&#;m a lawyer. Who would I know who would want to work as a plumber?&#; The plumber shrugged, and handed the lawyer his bill.
A couple of minutes later, when the plumber returned from his truck, found the lawyer, dressed in the hat and overalls. &#;I had a chance to look over your bill while you were out,&#; the lawyer said. &#;You found yourself an assistant.&#;

An urgent call was put in for a plumber at noon but he didn’t arrive until 5 hours later. “How is it?&#; he asked entering the house. “Not so bad,&#; replied the home owner. “While we were waiting for you to arrive I taught my wife how to swim.&#;

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon&#;s house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $
The neurosurgeon exclaimed, &#;I don&#;t charge this amount even though I am a surgeon.&#;
The plumber replied, &#;I agree, you are right. I too, didn&#;t either, when I was a surgeon. That&#;s why I switched to plumbing!&#;

The plumber finished with his girl this weekend, he said: &#;It&#;s over Flo.&#;

The collective noun for plumbers &#; a flood of plumbers.

A plumber hobbles down the road in a cast and meets a friend.
&#;How did you break your leg?&#; asked the friend
&#;It&#;s like this,&#; he replied:
&#;This guy had promised his wife that he would fix the sink plumbing on a particular day. That day, he realised he would need to stay late at
work, so he called me. I stopped by the man&#;s office for the house key, and went to work.
&#;When the wife got home, she saw my bottom half protruding from the sink cabinet. She assumed it was her husband, and proceeded to
remove my trousers and give me some, &#; intimate attention.
&#;Then the phone rang, and the woman left to answer it.
When she returned, she angrily said, &#;That was my husband on the phone&#;who are YOU?&#;
&#;I was startled, so when I got up to reply, I bumped my head and was
knocked out. The woman pulled me out, and must have fastened my trousers and called an ambulance.
&#;When the medics were carrying me out, they asked what had taken place &#; When I told them, they laughed so hard that they dropped me.
That&#;s when I broke my leg!&#;

Two plumbers, Bob and Phil, went bar-hopping every week together, and every week like clockwork, Bob would go home with a woman while Phil went home alone.
One week Phil had had enough and asked Bob for his secret to picking up women. &#;That&#;s easy,&#; said Bob. &#;When you&#;re out on the dance floor and she leans in and asks you what you do for a living, don&#;t tell her you&#;re a plumber. Tell her you&#;re a lawyer.&#;
Later Phil is dancing with a woman when she leans in and asks him what he does for a living. &#;I&#;m a lawyer,&#; says Phil. The woman smiles and asks, &#;Want to go to my place? It&#;s right around the corner.&#; They go to her place and fifteen minutes later Phil&#;s back in the bar telling Bob about his success.
&#;I&#;ve only been a lawyer fifteen minutes,&#; Phil snickers, &#;And I&#;ve already screwed someone!&#;

A woman calls in a plumber when her washing machine breaks down. The plumber arrives, studies the machine, then produces a hammer and gives it a hefty whack.
The washing machine starts working again and the plumber presents a bill for $
&#;Two hundred dollars?&#; says the woman. &#;All you did was hit it with the hammer.&#;
So the plumber gives her an itemised bill: &#;Hitting washing machine with a hammer &#; $5. Knowing where to hit it &#; $&#;

A plumber on a booty call says, &#;Are you prepared to get wet, because these pipes are about to burst.&#;

I had a nightmare where I couldn&#;t wipe my ass. It was the sh*ttiest dream ever. On a scale of one to ten urinate.

Confucius says, &#;Man who dig for watch in toilet, bound to have sh*tty timing&#;.

Knock Knock!
Who&#;s there?
Urine.
Urine Who?
URINEsecure don&#;t know what for.
One guy is in love with a girl
He goes to the girl&#;s father and says &#;I want to marry your daughter.&#;
The father says &#;With the money you have you can&#;t even pay for my daughter&#;s toilet paper.&#;
The guy say&#;s, &#;Don&#;t worry, i&#;m not going to marry a girl who is full of crap.&#;

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate, why the drunk is screaming.
&#;What is all the screaming about in there? You&#;re scaring the customers!&#;
&#;I&#;m just sitting here on the head and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my balls.&#; So, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says&#; &#;You idiot!&#;
&#;You&#;re sitting on the mop bucket!&#;

Boy: May I please, go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet
Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
Teacher: Where&#;s the p?
Boy: &#;Half way down my leg.&#;

Boy: Excuse me, but I need help going pee.
Teacher: What kind of help do you need from me?
Boy: Well every time I try to do it, I am too short and I get it all over me.
Teacher: I still don&#;t see how I can help with that? But let&#;s go see what options we can think of.
So they both enter the bathroom and close the door, so the other kids can&#;t make fun of the boy. Which is when he motions to whisper something in his teacher&#;s ear. She leans down and he says quietly to her this suggestion.
Boy: I think I might be able to reach the bowl if you held my dinky for me.
Teacher: Well only this one time, but I doubt it will do any good.
The boy unzips his pants, pulls down his underwear, steps closer to the bowl, then looks up at his teacher. She reaches around with both hands, taking his tiny grade school wee wee in them firmly. And in seconds his one incher grew red hot and several inches longer. This caused it to bounce firmly up down and side to side, then gusher a yellow stream through the air and fountain like into the toilet bowl. Afterwards the boy thanks her for the hands on help.
Boy: My daddy is a plumber and always says if a pipe isn&#;t working right, get a second pair of hands to find what&#;s wrong quicker. Maybe I can return the favor when I get my own set of tools, and return the favor one day.
Teacher: Thank you, but my plumbing is working fine and you need to pull your pants up before we open the door.
Boy: Oh gosh. Can you help me with the zipper?
She rolls her eyes.

A college freshman is attending his first campus party, but drinks too much and heads for the bathroom. It is dark in the bathroom, and the light switch doesn&#;t work, but he has to pee bad. So he unbuckles his jeans and waddles in the dark towards where he thinks a toilet should be. He feels around, finds the toilet is already lid up, so he aims in the dark, then begins to shoot a heavy stream of urine into the general direction of the open bowl. After a minute, he still is peeing strong, but trips on something moving around in front of him and blocking his aim. Suddenly the silent bathroom is filled with moaning and cursing from where he still was peeing strong. In the dark, he feels a hand grab his manhood and move it in either direction, but his pee muffles the sound of a voice trying to talk. Finally he is yanked downward and he fills something up until he is drained to the last drop.
Then a girl&#;s voice says, &#;Dude, I passed out on the toilet, but I didn&#;t expect to wake up without any warning to some dick peeing on my hair.&#;
&#;I&#;m so sorry,&#; I couldn&#;t see anything, &#;I swear, I wouldn&#;t do that on purpose. If you hadn&#;t found that empty cup, it would have been a lot worse.&#;
She is still holding his tool, as she asks, &#;What cup?&#;
&#;The one I peed into, while you aimed me at it. God I filled the whole thing,&#; he smiles down at her.
&#;Oh, no that wasn&#;t a cup. I drank it, since you were already peeing all over me.&#; She keeps stroking him, and now is massaging his testicles firmly, &#;Don&#;t worry. I am easy going, most girls won&#;t suck or swallow. But I drink anything that goes in my mouth, especially when I pass out like tonight.&#;
The college boy is surprised by this statement, &#;Really? You do that a lot?&#;
&#;Sure,&#; she says now beginning to go down on him, &#;Besides, like an hour ago, somebody came in claiming to be a plumber, so I said prove it. Next thing I know, he takes me from behind and goes wild with a plunger, until I blackout.&#;
&#;Oh my god,&#; the boy says.
&#;I know,&#; she replies, &#;By the way, any chance you know how to use one?&#;

This guy was on a plane and really had to pee. He goes to the back of the plane and there was a line for the men&#;s room. So, he asks a female to see if there was anyone in the ladies room. She says no, go ahead in there but don&#;t press any of the buttons. He says alright and enters the bathroom, relieved. He saw the buttons and decided to push them anyway thinking &#;What could go wrong?&#;
The first button was blue, upon pushing, it goes bbrrrrrr. That&#;s cold having cold water spray his ass.
The second button was red and goes &#;oh that feels really good. How come there aren&#;t any buttons like these in the men&#;s room?&#;
The last button pushed by him was a white button with the letters ATR stamped on it. He woke up hours later in a hospital.
He asked the nurse &#;Why am I in the hospital?&#;
She says, &#;Because you pushed the ATR button.&#;
She is laughing hysterically while she said it.
He said &#;What&#;s so funny? What does ATR mean?&#;
She replies, &#;Umm, ATR means automatic tampon remover.&#;

This one will be known to many plumbers, as it is famous within the industry. Again it is a multiple part joke that hides itself under the pun and games of being an actual plumbing advertisement, as you might see running in the newspaper classifieds in the old days, before the Internet and the Worldwide web.

Plumbing Problems?
Call RENT-A-JOHN! We have all types of portable johns to help solve your waste disposal crisis.
Eight Comfortable Models to Select From:

• Dear John / the double seated model.
• Head of the Class / our campus special.
• Johnny-Come-Lately / 6 months free suppositories.
• Johnny-on-the-Spot / our fastest operation model.
• Johnny-Jump-Up / with a floral motif.
• Johnny-Be-Good / a toilet-training favorite of parents)
• Can-Can / comes with bidet; imported from Paris, France.
• Farmer&#;s Haven / need we say more?

For these and other plumbing innovations that are sure to reinvent the snake and plunger&#;
Contact RENT-A-JOHN / a subsidiary of JOHNS-R-US
Number 2, Relief Prospect / Flushing, NY

And now a metaphysical and religious style joke a plumber told one day, about the plumbing in life, but not about a plumber that we know of&#;

 A Catholic priest, a Wiccan witch, and a Navajo shaman were taking a piss together in a men&#;s bathroom side by side.
After finishing the Catholic priest goes to was his hands, saying, &#;Cleanliness is next to Godliness.&#;
The Wiccan witch goes to the sink and recites these words, &#;Water is the element to purify that which is impure.&#;
Finally the Navajo shaman finishes and says to the other two men,&#; I spend many years in training as a shaman for my people, but even before that time had come, I had taught myself not to piss on my hands.&#;

And to end things off, how about a good old fashioned limerick about plumbing, or sort of&#;

There was a young plumber from Lee,
who was plumbing his girl with great glee,
she said stop your plumbing,
I think someone&#;s coming,
said the plumber still plumbing &#;its me&#;!

A Short Conclusion:
Why a Royal Flush is Always Better Than a Full House&#;

If asked to choose between having a plumber or anything else be your neighbor, choose a plumber. They are certain to be there when you need them, in the world&#;s worst possible circumstances. Oh yes and two more for the road. First a last plumbers joke.

Did you hear the one about the plumber, the Rabbi and the Priest? No? Well, nei­ther did I!

Compiled and Published by Michael Phillipes from Pro Plumber Brisbane.Thanks for reading, we hoped you enjoyed the plumbing jokes collection. If you liked this article and if gave you some laughs please follow us on Facebook and Google+.

Reference Links / Sources cited:

We couldn&#;t of done it without the help of the websites below.

www.jokebuddha.com/
www.theplumbinginfo.com
www.jokes4us.com
www.andersonandsons.co.uk

Share This Story, Choose Your Platform!

Sours: https://www.proplumberbrisbane.com.au/plumbing-jokes/
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Crack in your water line? Caught with your pants down? Better call in the plumber to the rescue.

Crack up your friends on their birthday with this dirty birthday card featuring plumbers taking advantage of their natural state. Drawn by the hilarious Mary Lawton, these bare butts are sure to get plenty of laughs from your crazy friends at the party.

You won�t find dirty birthday cards this funny at retail stores, so don�t waste your time. Browse through our collection of adult humor birthday cards and find a few perfect for all your friends. Use our free shipping and bulk discounts to save a little money, so you have more for girls� night out. Maybe you�ll meet a hot plumber whose crack would be a welcome sight.

Shipping weight: 1 oz

Dimensions: 5 x 7 x inches

Name:

Plumbers Gone Wild

Occasion:

Birthday

Line:

Cartoons

Artist:

Mary Lawton

Greeting Card Style:

Regular Version: 5" x 7"

Credit:

Cartoon by Mary Lawton

Paper Stock:

This card is printed on FSC certified sustainable source pulp and contains 10% post consumer waste. Manufactured in the U.S.A.

Introduced:

September 15,

UPC:

Availability:

In Stock

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Happy Birthday, by Beethoven? Bach? Mozart? - Nicole Pesce on piano

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Product description

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The Pipefather - Funny plumber plumbing T-Shirt Gift

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ArchCity Defenders (ACD) is a holistic legal advocacy organization that combats the criminalization of poverty and state violence, especially in communities of color. ACD’s foundation of civil and criminal legal representation, social services, impact litigation, policy and media advocacy, and community collaboration achieves and inspires justice and equitable outcomes for people throughout the St. Louis region and beyond.

Welcome to ARCHCITY DEFENDERS

“ArchCity Defenders walks into the danger that most lawyers walk away from. They choose to go to the hard places. They aren’t intimidated by the challenge. They seek it out. They do the thankless work alongside organizers, activists, and community to protect the rights of those our society devalues. They are there after the cameras are gone and the hour news cycle is up.”

-Brittany Packnett Cunningham, Activist, Educator, and Speaker

IMPACT AT A GLANCE

Arch City Defenders has accomplished a lot since Here are some things we're proudest of.

Represented thousands of people

in the St. Louis region.

53 civil rights lawsuits filed

regarding issues like debtors’ prisons, police misconduct, cash bail, and jail conditions.

people

or 36 families housed with the help of our Social Work team since August

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50+ partnerships

formed with local and national groups, nonprofits, and universities to raise awareness and advance systemic policy change in our region.

When it comes to ArchCity Defenders, I trust them. They feel more like my family, like they’re not just my lawyers. They’re my friends also. They listen to you, they want to know if you okay, they want to know how you doing. Even asked, ya know, ‘you got food to eat?’ They make sure you got everything.  They do everything they can for they clients. I never seen so many attorneys like that ever in life. Since I’ve been a part of ArchCity, I feel free. They made me feel free.

Statement from Coalition of St. Louis Area Community Organizations on Jones Administration’s Decision to Increase Police Presence in Downtown St. Louis

Media Advisory: Following Last Night’s Vigil, Families Impacted by Police Killings Hold Town Hall to Stop No-Knock Raids

MEDIA ADVISORY: Families Impacted by Fatal State Violence, ArchCity Defenders and Community Partners Hold Two Events to Memorialize Victims and Advocate for Policy Change 

Community Appreciation Event

St. Louis,MissouriUnited States

Sours: https://www.5asec.cl/hoardwardhtml
Funny happy birthday song

Plumbers Gone Wild Birthday Funny Greeting Card

Do you need to send someone a funny card? Do your friends love funny jokes? NobleWorks is your Humor Company! In business for over 30 years, NobleWorks is always publishing funny birthday cards, funny Christmas cards, naughty birthday greetings, naughty holiday cards, and funny cards for all occasions. NobleWorks is a print-on-demand company, printing only what you order. Noble Works is dedicated to reducing waste while keeping you laughing. With designs by Tim Whyatt, Tom Cheney, Leo Cullum, Daniel Collins, Stan Eales, Glen Hanson, Ephemera, Last Kiss, Dan Reynolds, Chris March, Glenn McCoy, Gary McCoy, Liza Donnelly, John Callahan, Weekly World News, and others, you're sure to find a card for your loved one. Featured lines include Talk Bubbles, Planet Fabulous, Mortal Sins, Cartoons, Passive Aggressive, Rabbit Ears, Funny Paper, and Happy Thoughts. You'll even find political jokes, funny poems, retro humor, vintage-style designs, and just about everything under the sun. Enjoy!

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